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The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent
terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to
"Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross"
since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have
been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time
the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great
fire of 1666.
The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to
"Let's get the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the
reason they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last
300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised
its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of
alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly"
to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from
"Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They
also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual,
and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines
ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the
new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on
all of their allies, just in case.
New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from
"baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being
a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy
boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of
escalation, which is "*!***!***!***!**, I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from
"No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Two more escalation levels remain,
"Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The
barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the
final escalation level.
terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to
"Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross"
since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have
been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time
the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great
fire of 1666.
The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to
"Let's get the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the
reason they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last
300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised
its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of
alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly"
to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from
"Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They
also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual,
and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines
ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the
new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on
all of their allies, just in case.
New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from
"baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being
a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy
boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of
escalation, which is "*!***!***!***!**, I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from
"No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Two more escalation levels remain,
"Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The
barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the
final escalation level.
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