08 Darwins are starting out strong!!
Darwin Awards
You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without
further ado here are the 2008 Darwin awards.
Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two
feet of water after squeezing head first through an
18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned
when he ran,' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff
on his daily run.
Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for
protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach
chair at the bottom! When it t collapsed, burying him beneath
5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and
shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It
took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to
free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the
ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was
caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to
keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he
hit the floor.
Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with
friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at
the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms
intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers
and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon
seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up!
and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer
and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers
also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced
dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators
located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The
subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics
identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was
hurt.
HONOURABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving
around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to
toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they
failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one
of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a
local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew
more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of
the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the
bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope.
Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed
out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured
one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other ! ;to
the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable
tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle.. He
miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was
rescue d by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never
located.
AND THE WINNER IS...
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his
constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more
than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the
plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to
give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved
beast unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation
knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head
on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of
dung on top of him.
It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that
proves... 'Sh-t happens'
IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING
THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL !
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