The 1st FREEBIE of 2010

[Diegoboy]

Scratch that... Not for sale or trade, This'll be the 1st FREEBIE of 2010!

☺ What I have to offer is a new Turingy B3650-3300 ☺

Spec.
Kv: 3300rpm/v
Power: 420W
Esc: 45
Battery Config: 3-5S
Length: 52mm
Width: 36mm
Shaft: 5mm
Weight: 230g


Never powered, but the motor shaft is filed short.

♫ The 1st Freebie of 2010!!♫
Let me think of how I will do this...

☺☻♥♦♣♠•◘○◙♂♀♪♫☼►◄↕‼¶§▬↨↑↓→←∟↔▲▼⌂

[Diegoboy]

I need a good laugh this year...

I'll rate the funniest joke posted in this thread (clean words at least) as the winner. Friday 1/8/2010 @ 5PM
Enter as often as you like
Start your post like this...

JOKE ENTRY:
(insert joke here)
ex of a boderline joke:
An elderly man finds he is unable to perform for his wife. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things; but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.

The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?" The medicine man replies, "All you or your partner has to say is 1234, and it will go down. But be warned, it will not work again for another year."

The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise his wife. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion and cologne. After he gets into bed and is lying next to her, he says, "123."

Suddenly he has one just as the medicine man had promised. His wife, who had been facing away from him,
turns over and asks, "What did you say 123 for?"


Good luck and mak'em funny

[domwilson]

Only 1 entry? What if we can come up with a few good jokes?

[Diegoboy]

Ok, enter as often as you like!!
Winner will be chosen on Friday @ 5pm
Edited the post above for the update

[domwilson]

Girls night out
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

[domwilson]

Glad to be drunk
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

[domwilson]

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What’s WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain’t nothing wrong with your eyesight….”

[domwilson]

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."

[domwilson]

Q: What's the most successful pickup line ever?
A: "Does this smell like chloroform?"

[sundog]

Cop is handcuffing an obviously inebriated vagrant and reading him his rights.... "anything you say can and will be held against you....." Drunk utters 'tits'.

(sorry if that's too risque Diego, I just had to pass that on.)

[Diegoboy]

It's okay, I moved the thread so 18 & over jokes are now acceptable!

[hide]

Quite a long joke but one of my favourites:

A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone.

He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter.

He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.

"Nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis."

"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal.It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"

The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."

He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door."

The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle. Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman.

The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but finally surrendered to $738 in cash and an imitation Rolex. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."

He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the Voodoo Penis.

She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough.

She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.

She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!"

[RCKong]

Why did Tiger Woods ease up on his golf schedule...? He said he starts to get tired after nine Ho's

[RCKong]

There once was an Indian Maid who said she's not affraid, she laid on her back and spead her crack and let a cowboy take a whack, one day to no suprise her belly began to rise, and with a grunt out of her c*#% came a runt quarter cowboy size...

[Doby]

This is actually a true story and happened to me and a buddy fishing several years ago.

I lived in Sarnia Ontario and used to fish with a friend who had a small aluminum boat in the shipping channel between Sarnia and Port Huron, Michigan.

One day we are out fishing, floating in what we thought was more or less halfway between the two countries( the channel was only about 1/2 a mile wide at this point).

Along comes a USA Sherrifs boat and he pulls up along side us.

He asks to see our fishing liscences.

My buddy replies that we are from Canada and don't need them.

The Cop says we are on the USA side and we do need them.

My buddy looks over the side of the boat and says he doesn't see a line on the water to back up the cops assumtion that we are on the USA side. (I'm shaking my head in disbelif at this point,,,the man has a gun!!!)

The cop asks again for the licences and my buddy says we only catch Canadian fish.

The cop asks how we can tell them apart (wrong question to ask my buddy)

My buddy says we throw the fish with the big mouths back
(Right about now I'm debating jumping overboard and swiming for the Canadian shore)

He was not amused. And promptly escorted us back to the "Canadian" side.

[bustitup]

A farmer wants to get his two female pigs pregnant but he can't afford
the stud service so he goes to the Vet.

Farmer- " Hey doc I've got these two pigs I want to breed but I can't
afford to stud 'em, is there anything cheaper?"

Vet- " Well there's artificial insemination - Blah Blah Blah " He goes
on to describe some pretty expensive procedures all of which are out
of the farmer's price range.

Farmer- " No none of that stuff will do, Its too expensive, anything
else?"

Vet- " Well, not many people know this but human DNA is close enough
to pig DNA to produce offspring. Here's what you do - take your pigs
out at night, load them in your pick-up, take them out to the fields
and have sex with them. No one will know what you're up to and you'll
get them pregnant."

Farmer- " How will I know they're pregnant?"

Vet- " If they're pregnant, they'll be lying in the shade the next
day."

So the farmer follows the advice and that night he struggles to put
the pigs in the truck, drives out, porks them, and drives back later
that night. The next day the pigs are just standing around. So the
next night he does it all over again only he porks each one twice and
drives back even more tired. Next day - nothing , they're just walking
around. So he goes out again, porks them three times each and comes
back in more worn out than ever. This goes on for the rest of the week
and by Saturday the farmer is too tired to get out of bed so he asks
his wife to get up and look outside at the pigs.

Farmer- " What are the pigs doing dear?"

Wife- " I don't know, one of them is jumping up and down in the back
of the truck and the other one is blowing the horn."

[Jeff Wohlt]

What do you call a gay vegetarian? A salad shooter! My only gay joke...not that there is anything wrong with it.

Chaney goes to Bush and says, "Sir, another Brazilian solder was killed in the war!" Bush, says...oh my goodness, Dick, that is just horrible!...By the way, Dick, how many is a Brazilian? har-har-har.

They just get worse from here.

[badag98]

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

[badag98]

Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.

The first guy says " I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."

The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know... Double Income, No Kids."

The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker."

They turn to the woman and ask her, " What are you? "

She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know...
Wash, Iron, F#%#, Etc."

[domwilson]

A friend of mine just dumped his blonde girlfriend. I asked him why. He said that they went to a nice restaurant to celebrate his birthday. They were seated and ordered their meal. While they were waiting on their meals, she excuses herself to go to the "powder room".
Ten minutes later she returns with her face all blue. He inquired as to what happened. She says that her earring fell into the toilet. It was such a nice restaurant that she didn't want to get her hands dirty....

[screwball]

A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night.
He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.
What's with that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.
It's not a gong. It's a talking clock", the drunk replied. A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yup", replied the drunk.
How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.
"Watch", the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back.
The three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You a**hole! It's three-fifteen in the morning!"

[screwball]

A poor, downtrodden beggar stands on the street, not having much luck.
Exasperated and hungry he decides to make a sign, and hastily scrawls the word "Beg" on a piece of cardboard.
Hardly anyone pays him and his new sign any mind. A few passers-by drop him a couple of pennies.
Suddenly, he gets an idea. He picks up his sign and to the word "Beg," he adds ".com."
From around the corner, two venture capitalists appear, tripping over themselves to be the first to hand him a quarter of a million dollars.
Pleased with his new-found wealth, the beggar decides to go one better.
Flipping his cardboard sign over, he writes "e-Beg."
Immediately, Jerry Yang and Bill Gates pull up in limousines and ask to buy him out.

[screwball]

A drunken man was wandering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars.
The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing?" he asks the drunk.
"I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it."
"So how does feeling the roof help you?" He asked the drunk.
"Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!!"

[screwball]

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother' s house.
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.
When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Johnny wait until we say our prayer."
"I don't have to," The boy replied.
"Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer, before eating, at our house."
"That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."

[screwball]

There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line, you must walk on to the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"
The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally the time came.
The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line; "Ah, the sweet aroma of my
mistress."
The theater erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!
"You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"
The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"
He asked. "No!" the director screamed, "You forgot the bloody rose!"

[screwball]

The murderer was holed up in his house, and the SWAT team was trying to get him out.
A cop got on the bullhorn and said, "Come on out, or I'm going to come in there and drag you out!"
The murderer called back, "I'm warning you. If you don't wipe your feet when you come in, my wife'll kill us both!"

[screwball]

A boy asks his father to explain the differences among irritation, aggravation, and frustration.
His father picks up the phone and dials a number at random.
When the phone is answered, he asks, "Can I speak to Bill, please?"
"No! There's no one called Bill here," says the person who answered the phone.
His father hangs up. "That's irritation," he says.
He picks up the phone again, dials the same number, and asks for Bill a second time.
"No, there's no one here called Bill. Go away. If you call again I shall telephone the police," the person says.
His father hangs up and says, "That's aggravation. "
"Then what's frustration? " asks his son.
The father picks up the phone and dials the same number a third time.
"Hello, this is Bill. Have I received any phone calls?" he asks casually

[screwball]

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".

Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"?

The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?

[domwilson]

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

[domwilson]

A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."