Heath M
02-05-2009, 11:52 PM
Hey guys i found this joke cleaning out my email inbox today and thought I'd share with you all. I did post this on RR a few years ago so some of you may have read it there..
Hope you enjoy :laugh:
NOTE:Please take time to read this slowly.If you pay attention to the two judges,the reaction to the third is even better.For those of you who live and have lived in Texas,you know how True this is!!They actually have a chilli cook off about the time the rodeo comes to town.It takes up a large propotion of the parking lot at the astradome!!
INEXPERIENCED CHILI TASTER: Notes from an inexperienced chilli taster named Frank,who was visiting texes from the east recently.I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a chilli cook off.The original judge called in sick at the last momentand i happened to be standing at the judges table asking for directions to the beer wagon,when the call came.I was assured by the other 2 judges(native texans)that the chilli would'nt be all that spicy,and besides,i could have free beer during the testing,So i accepted.
here are the score cards from the event
CHILLI #1 MIKES MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILLI
JUDGE 1:A little to heavy on the tomato,Amusing kick.
JUDGE 2:Nice tomato flavour,very mild.
FRANK:Holy SH*T,what the hell is this?It could remove dried paint from your driveway.Took me 2 beers to put the flames out.I hope this is the worst one.These Texans are crazy.
CHILLI #2 ARTHORS AFTERBURNER CHILLI
JUDGE 1:Smokey with a hint of pork,Slight jalapeano tang
Judge 2:Exciting BBQ flavour,needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
FRANK:What the hell was i supposed to taste besides pain.Ihad to wave off people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver.They had to rush me more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CHILLI #3 FREDS FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILLI
JUDGE 1 :Excellent firehouse chilli!Great kick,needs more beans
JUDGE 3: A beanless chilli,a bit salty,good use of peppers.
FRANK:Call the EPA,i've located an uranium spill!! My nose feels like i have been snorting drano.Everyone knows the routine by now,get me more beer before i ignite.Barmaid pounded me on the back,now my backbone is part of my chest.I'm getting sh*tfaced from all the beer.
CHILLI #4 BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
JUDGE 1:Back bean chilli with almost no spice,very dissappointing.
JUDGE 2:Hint of lime in the black beans,good side dish for fish or other mild foods,not much of a chilli.
FRANK:i felt something! scaping across my tongue,but was unable to taste it.Is it possible to burn out taste buds??Sally,the barmaid is standing behind me with fresh refills.that 300lb.women is starting to look HOT,just like this nuculear waste i'm eating.Is chilli an aphrodisiac?
CHILLI #5 LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER.
JUDGE 1:Meaty,strong chilli.Cayenne peppers,freshly ground,adding considerable kick,Impressive
JUDGE 2:Chilli using shreaded beef,could use more tomato.Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK:My ears are ringing,sweat is pouring off my forehead,i can no longer focuss my eyes.I farted and 4 peaople behind me need paramedics.The contestant seemed offended when i told her,her chilli had given me brain damage.Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring berr directly on it from a pitcher.I wonder if i'm burning my lips off.It really p!$$es me off that the othe judges asked me to stop sceaming.Screw those rednecks
CHILLI #6 VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARITY
JUDGE 1:Thin yet bold variety chilli.Good balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE 2:The best yet!Aggressive use of peppers,onions and garlic.Superb.
FRANK:My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,sulfric flames.I sh*t on myself when i farted and i'm worried it will eat thru the chair.Noone seems inclined to stand behind me.except Sally.She must be kinkier than i thought.Can't feel my lips anymore,and need to wipe my a$$ with a snow cone.
CHILLI #7 SUSANS SCREAMING SENSATION CHILLI
JUDGE 1:A mediocre chilli,with not too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE 2:Ho Hum,tastes like the chef threw in a can of chilli peppers right at the last moment.I should take note that i am worried about judge 3.He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
FRANK:You could put a grenade in my mouth,pull the pin and i still would'nt feel a thing.I've lost sight in one eye and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water.My shirt is covered with chilli which slid out of my mouth.My pants are full of lava like sh*t to match my shirt.At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me.I'm going to stop breathing,i'ts to painfull.Screw it,i'm not getting any oxygen anyway.If i need air,i'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.
CHILLI #8 LESTERS LAST OF THE RED HOT LOVERS CHILLI
JUDGE 1: A perfect ending,this is a nice blend chilli,safe for all,not to bold,but spicy enough to declare it's existence.
JUDGE 2:This final entry is a good balanced chilli.Neither mild or hot.Sorry to see that most of it was lost when judge 3 passed out,fell over and pulled the chilli pot down on top of himself.Not sure if he's going to make it .Poor Yank,wonder how he would have reacted to a really hot chilli???
Hope you enjoy :laugh:
NOTE:Please take time to read this slowly.If you pay attention to the two judges,the reaction to the third is even better.For those of you who live and have lived in Texas,you know how True this is!!They actually have a chilli cook off about the time the rodeo comes to town.It takes up a large propotion of the parking lot at the astradome!!
INEXPERIENCED CHILI TASTER: Notes from an inexperienced chilli taster named Frank,who was visiting texes from the east recently.I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a chilli cook off.The original judge called in sick at the last momentand i happened to be standing at the judges table asking for directions to the beer wagon,when the call came.I was assured by the other 2 judges(native texans)that the chilli would'nt be all that spicy,and besides,i could have free beer during the testing,So i accepted.
here are the score cards from the event
CHILLI #1 MIKES MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILLI
JUDGE 1:A little to heavy on the tomato,Amusing kick.
JUDGE 2:Nice tomato flavour,very mild.
FRANK:Holy SH*T,what the hell is this?It could remove dried paint from your driveway.Took me 2 beers to put the flames out.I hope this is the worst one.These Texans are crazy.
CHILLI #2 ARTHORS AFTERBURNER CHILLI
JUDGE 1:Smokey with a hint of pork,Slight jalapeano tang
Judge 2:Exciting BBQ flavour,needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
FRANK:What the hell was i supposed to taste besides pain.Ihad to wave off people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver.They had to rush me more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CHILLI #3 FREDS FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILLI
JUDGE 1 :Excellent firehouse chilli!Great kick,needs more beans
JUDGE 3: A beanless chilli,a bit salty,good use of peppers.
FRANK:Call the EPA,i've located an uranium spill!! My nose feels like i have been snorting drano.Everyone knows the routine by now,get me more beer before i ignite.Barmaid pounded me on the back,now my backbone is part of my chest.I'm getting sh*tfaced from all the beer.
CHILLI #4 BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
JUDGE 1:Back bean chilli with almost no spice,very dissappointing.
JUDGE 2:Hint of lime in the black beans,good side dish for fish or other mild foods,not much of a chilli.
FRANK:i felt something! scaping across my tongue,but was unable to taste it.Is it possible to burn out taste buds??Sally,the barmaid is standing behind me with fresh refills.that 300lb.women is starting to look HOT,just like this nuculear waste i'm eating.Is chilli an aphrodisiac?
CHILLI #5 LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER.
JUDGE 1:Meaty,strong chilli.Cayenne peppers,freshly ground,adding considerable kick,Impressive
JUDGE 2:Chilli using shreaded beef,could use more tomato.Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK:My ears are ringing,sweat is pouring off my forehead,i can no longer focuss my eyes.I farted and 4 peaople behind me need paramedics.The contestant seemed offended when i told her,her chilli had given me brain damage.Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring berr directly on it from a pitcher.I wonder if i'm burning my lips off.It really p!$$es me off that the othe judges asked me to stop sceaming.Screw those rednecks
CHILLI #6 VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARITY
JUDGE 1:Thin yet bold variety chilli.Good balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE 2:The best yet!Aggressive use of peppers,onions and garlic.Superb.
FRANK:My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,sulfric flames.I sh*t on myself when i farted and i'm worried it will eat thru the chair.Noone seems inclined to stand behind me.except Sally.She must be kinkier than i thought.Can't feel my lips anymore,and need to wipe my a$$ with a snow cone.
CHILLI #7 SUSANS SCREAMING SENSATION CHILLI
JUDGE 1:A mediocre chilli,with not too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE 2:Ho Hum,tastes like the chef threw in a can of chilli peppers right at the last moment.I should take note that i am worried about judge 3.He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
FRANK:You could put a grenade in my mouth,pull the pin and i still would'nt feel a thing.I've lost sight in one eye and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water.My shirt is covered with chilli which slid out of my mouth.My pants are full of lava like sh*t to match my shirt.At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me.I'm going to stop breathing,i'ts to painfull.Screw it,i'm not getting any oxygen anyway.If i need air,i'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.
CHILLI #8 LESTERS LAST OF THE RED HOT LOVERS CHILLI
JUDGE 1: A perfect ending,this is a nice blend chilli,safe for all,not to bold,but spicy enough to declare it's existence.
JUDGE 2:This final entry is a good balanced chilli.Neither mild or hot.Sorry to see that most of it was lost when judge 3 passed out,fell over and pulled the chilli pot down on top of himself.Not sure if he's going to make it .Poor Yank,wonder how he would have reacted to a really hot chilli???