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Doug Smock
12-22-2008, 11:43 PM
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow
down in overall system performance, particularly in the fun and sexual applications, which operated flawlessly under Girlfriend 5.0 .

In addition, Wife 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Screwing 9.5 and Cooking 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as:
SPENDING 5.0,
NAGGING 3.0 and
BITCHING 9.1

SomewhatReasonable 8.0 no longer runs, and Screwing 9.5 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running SmackHer 5.3 to fix these problems, but it either makes the system have all sorts of gliches or entirely shuts down.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.



DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind, Girlfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Wife 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: WhatTheHellIsyourProblemBitch.html and try to download IgnoreHerAss 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt-trip 9 .0 update.
If that application works as designed, Wife 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Screwing 9.5 and Cooking 6.5

However, remember that overuse of the above application can cause Wife 1.0 to default to PsychoBitch9.5, Bankruptcy7.0 or worse yet Boyfriend 2.5
Please note that even PsychoBitch9.5 is a very bad program that will download the IWantToShootMyself Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install ListenToYourFriendsOrSister 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Girlfriend 5.0. These are unsupported applications and will crash Wife 1.0 or default to Divorce 1.00.

In summary, Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend:
Drinking 3.0 and
Football 7.7



Tech Support

andym
12-23-2008, 12:04 AM
Mr Smock that is the funniest thing I have seen in a long while ( with the exception of Paddy in a mini kilt). And Oh so true. Hope you do not mind but have coppied and emailed to all my married freinds as an explanation of why wife's do not work as well as girlfreinds!! I am still laughing..................

Ub Hauled
12-23-2008, 02:54 AM
It would be hilarious if not true:tongue_smilie:
LOL

Don't forget that upgrading to wife 2.0 sometimes works out...
and there is also the dual system (wife 1.0 & girlfriend 1.0.1)
:roflol:

Xzessperated
12-23-2008, 05:26 AM
LOL. If only we kept them as girlfriends. This should be sent to every married woman on the planet to show them that we are on to them.

Meniscus
12-23-2008, 07:48 AM
LOL! This is hilarious! :thumbup1:

LOL on the dual boot system.

What about system recovery? System restore even?

Meniscus
12-23-2008, 07:49 AM
I haven't tried SmackHer 5.3, can someone provide a link please!

Greatly appreciated!

AndyKunz
12-23-2008, 09:44 AM
SmackHer 5.3 is closely related to DomesticViolence 3.1 which often auto-installs Policeman 2.0, which can lead to FamilyCourt II being installed against your wishes, sometimes permanently.

Those apps are best left in the shrink wrap (not to be confused with ShrinkWrap 2009 The Counseling Application, which requires Microsoft Wallet and a very good insurance policy and credit card).

MarriageCounseling 1.0 is probably a good place to start if you have serious issues with Wife 1.0. You can get a subscription to it (sorry, they don't "sell" it) at almost any good church. It's worth every penny - every cent you spend on it will help prevent the great sucking sound of Divorce 1.0.

Andy

Meniscus
12-23-2008, 10:28 AM
What happened to HoneyDoList 7.6? That one seems to keep reinstalling, despite quarantine.

I don't have any experience with RestrainingOrder 1.0, does anyone else?

Flying Scotsman
12-23-2008, 12:18 PM
Doug oh Doug that is a scream
I enjoyed it so much I copied it and sent it to a buddy of mine. Unfortunately he has a very similar handle as my wifes work handle, AND GOOD LORD I SENT IT TO HER.
Got to go now as I have to purchase a ticket to Tasmania.

Douggie

Eodman
12-23-2008, 12:22 PM
In the hopes of running Christmas Eve Entertainment 27 I have decided not to forward this to Wife 26!

785boats
12-28-2008, 05:23 PM
Use the ESC key. NOW!!!